My vision for this blog is to of course be an interesting and engaging read but to be a resource. A space for honesty, curiosity, exploration and truth. So thank you for not only supporting me in this journey but taking it with me.
As we begin this erotic journey together I think there are some things that we should discuss first. I figure the least I can do is provide some of the basic knowledge that I wish someone would have told me.
If you are young consider this something to add to your life rolodex (google rolodex if you don’t know what is lol) and if you are older use this to break down some of the old constructs that were ingrained in us growing up. And if you’re in the middle do a little bit of both .
Now let’s get into it.
- VIRGINITY IS FAKE. Let me say that one more time VIRGINITY IS FAKE! Let’s be real, virginity is a thing that was put in place to make women abstain from sex, and we all know the church was running shit back in the day. But let me tell you something: the Father, Son, or the Holy Ghost is not clocking your box okay. More times than not when virginity is being discussed it tends to apply to humans that have a hymen. The reality of the situation is that a hymen can break in more ways than one and it doesn’t make you any more “pure” than the next person if it is intact or not. Sex is an experience. It is something that we will all experience in some way, shape or form in our lives. We are naturally wired for pleasure. No matter what anyone says there is no timeline for when you should have sex for the first time. Have sex when you are ready and when you want to. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured or coerced. If your partner isn’t willing to abide by your timeline they aren’t for you. Your body is precious and should always be treated as such and that goes for all genders and identities.
- SEXUALITY IS A SPECTRUM. Meaning that no matter how simple we would like it to be it can not be confined to labels as simple as heterosexuality, homosexuality and all the labels in between. There are not enough labels in the world to be able to sum up all the different types of ways sexuality and preference can show up in a human. Labels are an oversimplification of humanity. For a long time I was “straight” because I grew up religious (so embarrassing 😣). Then I started dating women and men, which would then make me “bisexual”. My life partner is a woman which would make me a “lesbian”. But I am also attracted to transmen, transwomen, and non-binary humans. We are always evolving, learning ourselves and growing. Labels aren’t made for clarity, in my opinion they are made for discrimination. Do not allow the pressures of society make you think or feel that you have to slap a label on your identity. Let me add that coming out is complete fucking bullshit. What you do in your bedroom is nobody’s business period. Love who you love and love wholeheartedly.
- EXPERIMENT. It’s okay to try things even if it’s just once. There are things you might try and find you don’t like and there are things you could try and love. Now I’m not saying go out there and try the things that you know you 100% dont fuck with, they are hard no’s for a reason. But if there are things that you are curious about it’s okay to try them. It’s even okay if you were into something for a little while and you get to the point that it’s not for you any more. Experimentation does not define you. Remember I said that we are always changing and evolving. Experimentation is a part of that, my only recommendation is experiment with someone that you trust. When you are trying new things it should be done in the safest environment possible. Make sure safe words are established and have fun!
- BODY COUNT IS BULLSHIT BUT STD/STI TESTS AREN’T. You absolutely do not and should not have to tell anyone how many people you have had sex with. The only thing any partner should know is when the last time you were tested and what your test results are. You can have sex with 1 person and catch something and on the other hand you could sleep with 100 people and never catch anything. Quantity isn’t what matters, safety is. Open communication with the people you sleep with can go a long way. Whether you are having one night stands or consistent partners getting tested on a regular basis is imperative. If you happen to contract something, seek and complete treatment. There is no shame in contracting any std/sti, it is a risk that you take when it comes to being sexually active. It doesn’t make you dirty or nasty. The only thing that could make you dirty or nasty is putting other people at risk because you are moving irresponsibly. (Sidenote: if body count is something that matters to you that’s okay just make sure it matters for the right reasons!)
Being sexual is as much a part of the human identity as breathing is.. We have literal body parts that are created solely for pleasure. So live, fuck, have sex, make love do all the things. Just be safe and responsible.
But most importantly always remember that SHAME IS MAN-MADE.